PRICELESS GIFT
FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!

☻SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED
If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call me... If you need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!

☻ COMPARE
FRIENDSHIP is like a tree... It is not MEASURED on how TALL it could be, but is on how DEEP the ROOTS HAVE GROWN...

☻FRIENDS 4 LIFE
Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!
☻FRIENDSHIP TEST...

thE tEst oF fRiEndsHip dOseN't cOmeS wHen u R 2GethEr. It cOmEs wHeN u ParT waYs & u ReaLizE tHat dEsPitE tHe dIsTanCe, thE fRiEndshIp iS sTilL tHeRe...




☻FRIENDS

True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere.




☻F.U.C.K

REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we FUCK till eternity!




☻FRIENDSHIP IS....

FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!




☻ PRICELESS GIFT

FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!




☻SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED

If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call me... If you need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!




☻ COMPARE

FRIENDSHIP is like a tree... It is not MEASURED on how TALL it could be, but is on how DEEP the ROOTS HAVE GROWN...




☻FRIENDS 4 LIFE

Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!




☻COMPUTER

A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!




☻FRIENDS ALWAYS

In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE!




☻ANGEL FRIENDS

I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.




☻OUT OF MY CONTROL

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.




☻ MEMORY LASTS FOREVER

A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye.




☻ FRIENDSHIP

The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you.




☻ NEVER SPLIT

I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again.




☻NEVER LOSE TRUE FRIENDS

I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we never lose true friends.




☻ WITHOUT A FRIEND LIKE U

EveRyDay I seE LoTs oF StRangErS PasSiNg By mE, ThiS mAkeS mE reAlisED tHat, LifE woUlD be BORING, WiThoUt A FriEnD LiKE U...




☻ BEHIND YOU

DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn't SeE Me BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN CaTcH U WhEn U Fall...




☻ NAKED

GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.




☻ MAKING LOVE

After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I'm so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue...tissue...plsss!!!




☻KISS

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue.




☻PAINTING

A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.




☻FALLING APART

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.




☻HOME EARLY

1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'




☻ NEVER LOSE ME!

We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend!




☻BEST FREN

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.




☻SHOOTING STARS

The times we shared is like shooting star... the time is short but really beautiful moments.... Forever engraved in our hearts.... Friends forever~!!!




☻ KEEPING A FRIEND

KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u... but in my HEART I swear I'm keeping U..




☻ PROMISE

We've known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that's definitely a lifetime PROMISE!




☻FLOWER

If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!




☻ A RING

A ring is round and has no end.... and that's how long I'll be your friend.




☻WONDERFUL FRIEND

There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u!




☻WAT U SEE

Wat u see as truth wat u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies although we may change & drift apart, ill always value u deep within my heart!




☻ FATE 2B FRIENDS

A friend is never a coincidence in your life, they are meant to enter your life to bring you joy and laughter. So, i will treasure the friendship between us.




☻ WHAT YOU SAY

Everyone hears what you say... Friends listen to what you say... Best friends listen to what you don't say...




☻ FRIENDSHIP MEANS...

I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha




☻ ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU...

Friends are like stars. You can't always see them, But you know they are always there for you...




☻ LEAVING FOOTPRINTS

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.




☻AS LONG AS....

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.




☻ MY BRA

a gd friend is like a gd bra... hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart..... HELLO MY GD BRA :)




☻ PRICETAGS

GOD is so wise that he never created FRIENDS with pricetags, Because..... if He did, I can't afford a precious FRIEND like YOU!!!




☻OLD FRIENDS

Never abandon old friends. They are hard 2 replace. Friendships is like wine: it gets BETTER as it grows OLDER. Just like us... i get BETTER, u get OLDER.




☻ PATH OF FRIENDSHIP

The sun is glazing, upon the sunlight i see the path of our friendship shining brightly knowing that it is so great to have a friend like YOU! :)




☻ NIGHT PRAYER

Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.




☻ABOUT ME

Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you?




☻ GOOD TASTE

A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection. A picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur FRIEND is a form of.. ehem GOOD TASTE!




☻ BE MY FRIEND

If U need a friend and there are a hundred steps between us, you can take the 1st step to get near me and i will take all 99 step to be there for you.




☻ RULES TO BE HAPPY

6 rules to be HAPPY: Free your heart from hatred; Free your mind from worries; Live simply; Expect less; Give more & Always have ME as UR FRIEND




☻ FRIENDS

Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart; I'll always be thankful that once, along my life's journey I found a friend like U...




☻KISS MY ASS

The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!




☻RING

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....




☻ FRIENDS LIKE HAIR

Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough $money$ you can buy them back.




☻NICE FRIENDS

A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...



☻COMPUTER
A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!

☻FRIENDS ALWAYS
In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE!

☻ANGEL FRIENDS
I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.

☻OUT OF MY CONTROL
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

☻ MEMORY LASTS FOREVER
A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye.

☻ FRIENDSHIP
The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you.

☻ NEVER SPLIT
I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again.

☻NEVER LOSE TRUE FRIENDS
I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we never lose true friends.

☻ WITHOUT A FRIEND LIKE U
EveRyDay I seE LoTs oF StRangErS PasSiNg By mE, ThiS mAkeS mE reAlisED tHat, LifE woUlD be BORING, WiThoUt A FriEnD LiKE U...

☻ BEHIND YOU
DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn't SeE Me BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN CaTcH U WhEn U Fall...

☻ NAKED
GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

☻ MAKING LOVE
After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I'm so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue...tissue...plsss!!!

☻KISS
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue.

☻PAINTING
A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.

☻FALLING APART
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.

☻HOME EARLY
1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

☻ NEVER LOSE ME!
We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend!

☻BEST FREN
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

☻SHOOTING STARS
The times we shared is like shooting star... the time is short but really beautiful moments.... Forever engraved in our hearts.... Friends forever~!!!

☻ KEEPING A FRIEND
KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u... but in my HEART I swear I'm keeping U..

☻ PROMISE
We've known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that's definitely a lifetime PROMISE!

☻FLOWER
If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!

☻ A RING
A ring is round and has no end.... and that's how long I'll be your friend.

☻WONDERFUL FRIEND
There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u!

☻WAT U SEE
Wat u see as truth wat u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies although we may change & drift apart, ill always value u deep within my heart!

☻ FATE 2B FRIENDS
A friend is never a coincidence in your life, they are meant to enter your life to bring you joy and laughter. So, i will treasure the friendship between us.

☻ WHAT YOU SAY
Everyone hears what you say... Friends listen to what you say... Best friends listen to what you don't say...

☻ FRIENDSHIP MEANS...
I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha

☻ ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU...
Friends are like stars. You can't always see them, But you know they are always there for you...

☻ LEAVING FOOTPRINTS
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

☻AS LONG AS....
As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.

☻ MY BRA
a gd friend is like a gd bra... hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart..... HELLO MY GD BRA :)

☻ PRICETAGS
GOD is so wise that he never created FRIENDS with pricetags, Because..... if He did, I can't afford a precious FRIEND like YOU!!!

☻OLD FRIENDS
Never abandon old friends. They are hard 2 replace. Friendships is like wine: it gets BETTER as it grows OLDER. Just like us... i get BETTER, u get OLDER.

☻ PATH OF FRIENDSHIP
The sun is glazing, upon the sunlight i see the path of our friendship shining brightly knowing that it is so great to have a friend like YOU! :)

☻ NIGHT PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

☻ABOUT ME
Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you?

☻ GOOD TASTE
A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection. A picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur FRIEND is a form of.. ehem GOOD TASTE!

☻ BE MY FRIEND
If U need a friend and there are a hundred steps between us, you can take the 1st step to get near me and i will take all 99 step to be there for you.

☻ RULES TO BE HAPPY
6 rules to be HAPPY: Free your heart from hatred; Free your mind from worries; Live simply; Expect less; Give more & Always have ME as UR FRIEND

☻ FRIENDS
Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart; I'll always be thankful that once, along my life's journey I found a friend like U...

☻KISS MY ASS
The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!

☻RING
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

☻ FRIENDS LIKE HAIR
Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough $money$ you can buy them back.

☻NICE FRIENDS
A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...
We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.



☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An f****ing know it all.

☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

☻ My Reality Check bounced.

☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

☻What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1

☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

☻What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

☻How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.

☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!

☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra

☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An fucking know it all.

☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?

A: One has a real live culture.

☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.

☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.



☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An f****ing know it all.

☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

☻ My Reality Check bounced.

☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

☻What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1

☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

☻What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

☻How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.

☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!

☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra

☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An fucking know it all.

☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?

A: One has a real live culture.

☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.

☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An fucking know it all.

☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?

A: One has a real live culture.

☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!